Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Post-lightsout thoughts

I wasn't in my best mood yesterday, because I felt scared. I'm sure most people are familiar with this feeling; the feeling of feeling like you don't belong, and the worst is that you are trying, you want to be a part of something. 

Let me paint you a mental picture  (it might not completely make sense, i just hope this explains it a little bit better): When you're walking with three of your friends on a narrow paved pathway, they are all walking in a perfect horizontal line and you're in behind trying to fit in to join their line, but the pathway is just too narrow and so you're awkwardly stumbling. Then when you finally give up and stroll at the back, until that one friend notice you and walks together with you instead. 

Well this scenario is the perfect way to describe my emotions ever since I got back to school. There are so many new students. It is so overwhelming. I didn't think that I would have to go through this since I was just a returning 2nd year student here. But I had to go through all of the meaningless conversations: "hi i'm from hong kong.. yeah... you?... oh that's cool... what classes do you take?..okay.. ". I don't like how the topics are so restricted when everyone is trying to meet as many people as possible. We have 3 years to know each other, what's the rush? I really don't get it. It shouldn't be about having the longest list of friends, it's should be about the amount of close friends you have. 

And tonight, I felt like a friend finally noticed me, a newly made friend in fact. We actually bonded, found common interests, laughed and joked. Something I find very enjoyable, something that makes me truly happy. 

alright, the melatonin has taken its toll. off to bed. 
peace out girl scouts, sharon

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